TopTen Consequences of a Government Shutdown…..

In spite of the predictions of my Fast Food Index, it appears that a Government  shut down will not be averted and the dreaded “calamity “ will be upon us by midnight tonight. Although this shut down will only impact non essential government agencies there are still some dire ramifications to be considered. This week we address the TopTen consequences of a Government shutdown.

 

10.

house locker room

No showers, no scales, what's next?

A House Administration committee spokeswoman confirmed Thursday that the House gym, where the office crashers go to wash up, would shutter during a government shutdown.  A handful of House members  sleep in their congressional offices, and if a budget impasse continues, those representatives might find themselves without a place to shower. Hmmmm…pretty drastic.

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9.

cowboy p[oetry festival

There once was a man from Nantucket.....

With no staff and time on his hands Senator Harry Reid will head back to his home state of Nevada where he’s been invited to be the featured poet at the Nevada Annual Cowboy Poetry Festival.

 

 

 

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8.

IRS

Closed until further notice

With the IRS closed all Tax Audits will be halted. While this may seem as a reprieve to some, the other side of the coin is that all passport offices will be closed so no one is going anywhere.

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7.

threat colors

Nothing new to report

The Department of Homeland Security will furlough non essential workers. Among them are the staffers that update the color coding on the threat level. Threat level indicators will now be hand held and updated by volunteers. It looks like they will remain set at the same ugly yellow level of the past 3 years.

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6.

Boehner Pale

I need some sunlight

Speaker John Boehner will get some much needed time off from the round the clock negotiations of the past few weeks. A special area has been set aside for the Speaker on the Capitol steps so that he can work on his tan, which appears to be fading fast.

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5.

gov website

We need a little more flair

There will be no staffers to update Government web sites. Arianna Huffington, who is currently remaking AOL into the Huffington Post, has volunteered to keep the Government web sites current. She will exercise creative and editorial control with the labor intensive operations outsourced to India at her expense.

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4.

trash

Who's the guy tanning on the steps?

Since there will be no trash pick up in Washington DC, a group of forward thinking residents have organized to collect the trash and dump it in front of the Capitol. Speaker Boehner may have to rethink his sun bathing location.

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3.

pelosi on botox

I hate these shutdowns!

Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi is frantically scrambling to determine how she will function without her retinue of 800 staffers and free Air Force Transportation. Sources close to the Congresswoman have already told her that she will need to do without manicures, pedicures and Botox injections, at a minimum, to demonstrate her ability to sacrifice along with all Americans

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2.

national zoo

Congress agrees to care for animals

The National Zoo will be closed.  In order to care for the animals and the exhibits some of the volunteer caretakers have started a “choose your favorite member of congress” campaign where the animals get to select specific individuals to help with their care. Zoo animal residents have been voting briskly with no party preferences. Selected members of congress will get to clean, feed and talk to the animals and even discuss current issues with them.

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1.

United States Congress

Where's Charlie?

Charlie Sheen, in an unprecedented patriotic gesture has volunteered to bring his Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is not an Option Tour to perform in front of a full session of Congress to attempt to convince them to get the Government reopened.  Doors to the chamber will be locked and Mr.  Sheen has promised not to stop his performance until an agreement is reached. President Obama has been invited as well.

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And that’s the way it is here:  “a little left of right”

JT

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