Are We Infected With The “Zombie” Ant Mind Control Fungus ?

I read a fascinating story yesterday in “The Upshot” on Yahoo News. In it, writer Mike Krumboltz describes a condition known as a “mind control fungus” which afflicts certain species of ants. These wild discoveries were made a number of years ago by a group in Brazil headed by entomologist David Hughes.

Krumboltz goes on to say:  “Oddly, there’s nothing very zombie-like about the actual ants. It’s only when a particular fungus takes over the ant’s brain that things get weird. Once the “stalk of the new-found fungus species Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani infects an ant,  the ant gives up control over its own body. After the fungus is in control, it forces the ant to scamper toward a location ideal for the fungi to grow and spread their spores. Then, it’s lights out for the ant. Who knew a fungus could be so diabolical?”

While this makes for a great story in National Geographic or the Planet Earth series, it got me to thinking as to whether this mind control fungus could actually have been transmitted to humans. As I reflected on this I began to recall eerily similar patterns of behavior among my human brethren.

The last time I went to renew my driver’s license at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I saw people mindlessly running around from line to line only to be told that they were on the wrong line each time they got to the front. The employees however, who I suspect were infected,  seemed to understand this chaos and would randomly take breaks but only if they were at windows with the longest lines. They would then go in the back, never to return and I guess it was lights out for them.

As I thought more about this, I began to realize that some people were infected with the fungus while others were simply carriers.  The carriers appeared to exhibit delusions of grandeur most likely to attract others they could easily infect.

I believe Nancy Pelosi is a carrier and in a time span of two years managed to infect the majority of the 111th Congress.  It’s more than likely that Newt Gingrich is a former carrier  and although recently quite dormant it seems that the fungus is activating in his brain once again.

The following are some of my observations regarding the suspected fungus and its ramifications:

Carrier: Mark Zuckerberg   Infected: All Facebook Subscribers

Carrier: The New York Times   Infected: The Upper East and West Side of New York City and all of San Francisco

Carrier: Bill O’Reilly   Infected: Greta Van Susteren thoroughly plasticized

Carrier: Jerry Brown, one of the oldest known carriers of this infection  Infected: All Public Employee Unions in California

Carrier: Bravo Cable Channel   Infected: All housewives in Northern New Jersey

Carrier: NPR   Infected: Nina Totenberg

Carrier: The country of India   Infected: The country of India.  In this case the fungus seems to have turned everyone infected into a telemarketer.

Carrier: Lindsay Lohan   Infected : Charlie Sheen, although the fungus appears to be mutating rapidly into a new more virulent strain.

Kudos to the 12 missing Democratic Assemblymen from Wisconsin. They wisely chose to be quarantined in the City of Chicago where for some reason the fungus is non-existent. That Daley machine keeps everything out!

I’m sure if we all become more observant of our surroundings we can begin to discern certain patterns of behavior associated with this fungus.  So be aware, be alert, be on guard, there’s a fungus among us !

And that’s the way it is here, “a little left of right”

JT

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Comments are closed.